Vampires

I like vampires. I do not love vampires, worship them, or have any notion that any of my vampiric fantasies will come true, but I like them all the same. I can't really be made to choose a particular genre, because I am only familiar with a few.

However, let us get it straight that I do not enjoy the notion of vampires as sophisticated creatures of the night basking in society's bosum having a neverending list of sexual encounters but only being able to count their victims on their left hand. I like my vampires vicious, cruel, and monstrous. I like vampires that stalk the night, picking off random villagers, gorging themselves on blood and flesh (I see no reason that vampires can't eat flesh), and frightening all manner of people with their unblinking bloodshot eyes, pale and bruised corpse bodies, and snarling visages dripping with both the blood of a recent victim and some unidentifiable otherworldly drool-like substance. I want a vampire whos only reason for ripping a nubile young girl's clothes off is to have an easier time spilling her guts upon the ground and feasting upon the still-bleeding heart of a shredded body.

Frankly I don't really see the appeal of the fancy schmancy vampire, at least beyond the unimaginative daydreams of young women who enjoy intellectually and emotionally dead men so much that they are going to move on to animated corpses. Yes, that is what vampires are; animated corpses just like zombies and mummies. Vampires are supposed to be driven entirely by their need to feed; all this new stuff is just bright yellow paint to disguise a slaughterhouse.

Perhaps I should write a book on real vampires.